Imagine it’s you standing at the crossroads on the left side of the Choice Map. Something has just happened and now you have to solve a problem or make a decision. Perhaps it’s with your business, team, colleagues, or customers. Maybe it’s with family or friends. Or maybe it’s about your health, finances, or plans for the future.
Do this experiment while you think about your situation. First, ask yourself Judger questions (like those below) and notice how they affect your mood and confidence. Now, breathe, switch and instead ask yourself Learner questions (like those below). What happened this time? What changed in your mood and confidence? What possibilities can you now see?
Switching Questions: You really can change your questions and change your life. When you find yourself in Judger and want to be in Learner instead, ask yourself Switching Questions to help you “reset” to Learner. Some helpful ones include: Am I in Judger? Is this what I want to be feeling or doing? Where would I rather be? and How else can I think about this?
Judger Questions* include:
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why is everyone so stupid and clueless?
- Why doesn’t anything ever work?
- Whose fault is it?
- How can I prove I’m right?
- Why bother?
Results of Judger Questions:
- A mood of pessimism, negativity, and stress
- Mindset: judgmental, reactive, critical, inflexible
- Relating: attacking or defensive and win-lose
Learner Questions* include:
- What do I want? What are my goals?
- What works and what can I learn?
- What am I assuming and what are the facts?
- What am I missing? What are my choices?
- What action steps make the best sense?
- What’s possible?
Results of Learner Questions:
- A mood of optimism, hope, and possibilities
- Mindset: thoughtful, responsive, curious, flexible
- Relating: connected, collaborative, and win-win